While shaving one morning, a man began swearing so loudly that his wife called out, "What on earth is the matter?"

"It's my razor," he roared. "It's so blunt..... it won't cut".

“Don't be silly, dear,” the wife responded soothingly. "Are you telling me your beard is tougher than our new linoleum?"

Successful at last after trying to land three times, the pilot announced to the passengers:" I'm sorry the landing was not smooth. However, I would like to say, Congratulations!' You paid for one trip and got three landings."

"Everything's in order", says a doctor to a patient after giving her a check-up. But I would advise you spend more time in the fresh air, and dress more warmly in winter". The woman comes home and her husband asks what the doctor said. “He said that I absolutely must go on vacation to the seaside every summer, and buy a mink coat to wear in winter".